This last week I did go a little crazy. Maybe because I have AWESOME parents and they took my kiddo for a few spend the nights this week. Which = alone time to: be productive, hear myself think, enjoy quiet, enjoy my hubby, enjoy food NOT prepared by me, sleep late and read a magazine. Things that I pretty much never do anymore thanks to a chatting, constantly yelling "mama" every two seconds because I need your undying attention, love and affection piggy tailed, covered in marker with a cracker and meow in her hand almost two year old. And thanks to all this time I had on my hands I had time to mellow out and reflect. The conclusion: Motherhood is exhausting in every way shape and form. Kudos to the mother's before me who survived - got any tips? And like any mother, I absolutely love and adore that little smelly diaper before breakfast girl. But I have determined that I need to remember to give myself a break and ask for help and by break I mean sometimes a full day and night away before I lose it. I find myself getting into I'm too tired to have the desire to do any of the housework that needs to be done let alone play with you constantly and still have time to do my work. Can you relate? But I've also found that if I'm not organized or things have gone array due to my state of over tired and annoyance of a whiney child that it escalates my need for escape from despair that much more. I'm the kind of person where if I'm organized and things are in a functional place then I am energized, happy and ready to take on the world! I'm still trying to find that balance of wifehood, motherhood, army spouse (yes it needs a title and category all itself and not to be swept in with wifehood - it's a bear all it's own), and career woman. I live day to day just trying to make it through one load of laundry, breakfast, snack time, lunch time, nap time, snack time, dinner time, pick-up time and bedtime. So those organization projects - yeah right! I do attempt it most days and those attempts quickly fail. I've also found that as an Army wife...I get antsy. REALLY antsy. This is the longest (whoa a whole year and a half) that Daniel and I have stayed anywhere since I married the soldier (who by the way is the BEST). So out of 4 years this is the longest. And because of that moving almost every year past...I'm antsy. The antsy like "ok I"m ready to move again and rearrange all of my stuff in different places so it all looks new again" (the adventurous side of me) and the other antsy of "I really really really don't want to move away from family again but I know it's coming anyways" feeling and the antsy of "ok God where are we headed next" It leaves me in limbo...I don't do well in limbo. Because have I mentioned that limbo = waiting on the Army which = waiting a really LONG time for a really quick you have to be here NOW which = unorganized and unorganized = chaos which = crazy mandie. I'm learning...I'm learning...God is molding me...and thank goodness God has patience and mercy on me! And he's blessed me with a family who LOVES and ADORES my I'm hungry every 30 minutes little girl and who obviously LOVES me enough to come to my rescue - on more than one occasion!
Confession: I'm scared out of my living mind of the day the Army says "GO" and I leave my instant not have to worry about babysitters anytime family! But don't cross that bridge until it comes right?!? And can I use them as babysitters via skype while I cook dinner?mmmmmmm food for thought.
Oh and to add to the jumbled up thoughts/emotions in my brain mixed with the exhaustion and unending to do list of my life - the second child. (P.S. DO NOT SCREAM - there is no second child on the way - I repeat NO BABY - yet) As my girl is no longer my baby girl but my all grown up girl gets bigger that desire for another one grows. That ache in my belly for a child. And as much as I give myself a reality check of the following: unorganized, no more naps, finally good nights sleep, moving, etc. fill my brain I cannot quench that DESIRE! The solution: Leave it in God's hands (but add to the chaos)
Did I mention the Army? Yeah that little booger right there...well see baby making and having with that attached makes things a little bit more tricky or fun whichever way you look at it. That thing ("the army") is making my baby crazed gotta have another one soldier a little crazy right now. Oh the possibilities! Oh you guys know that conversation. The one that involves " well, baby if I pass this test and the board accepts me then we could be moving by the end of the year and if we get pregnant, then we'll be moving, and I'll be in training, and we'll have to find a new house, and you'll have to set up the new house and I'll be in training, and I may miss the delivery, and oh yeah we'll be MOVING!" Yes THAT conversation. My solution and one my husband believe it or not the laid back guy has a hard time grasping: LEAVE IT TO GOD. I'm good with that. I'm more than good with that. You want to know why? Because by his GRACE I'm gonna make it. I may not exactly do it gracefully and I may walk around with food all over my shirt and snot on my pants but I'll make it.
It felt good to let all of you know that. Takes a load off.
But back to the AWESOME time alone...I am here to announce that my office is now re-arranged and re-organized and READY TO GO! Productivity here I come. And the hubs did an awesome job getting some major yard work done - cheers to us! Oh and earlier in the week I got the toy purge done and the playroom cleaned up and all those bins of baby stuff stashed safely away for that "second child." Anyone need any Fabulous Mary Kay products? Christmas gifts? A facial?
So for now, I end a crazy busy productive week and I'm ready to tackle a new one...with a new project except one that can be done with the monkey kiddo. And things feel like we are even more at home...which means that "move" is coming sooner cause that's ALWAYS how it happens.
YARD SALE COMING SOON!
Have I mentioned my favorite things to do with Kenzie lately...mmmm another post for another time. I'm off to enjoy some Mad Men with the soldier whose already asleep :)
2 comments:
Well put!!! I understood all of that. and as for the advise of mothers before you I say "One day at a time" and then you look back on it and with tears say "where did it all go and why did it go soooooo fast?"
Love ya, love ya, love ya,
Mom
There's a little poem I like to think of when the house messes are getting to me and the job of being my kids' cruise director is getting tiring...
"The cleaning and scrubbing
will wait till tomorrow,
for Children grow up,
as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs.
Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies
don't keep......"
You are doing a GREAT job! So dust off the crockpot, resign yourself to soup and sandwiches for dinner once a week, make a list of all your chores and sort them out to do a couple every day, and remember... babies don't keep. :)
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